INSTANT CLASSIC'S

birthday post

2012-01-22T04:12:00.001-08:00

my resolution was to be back active on this blog and this is my second post of the year and I call that PROGRESS! LOL!

im 19 now and living a life that includes many things from something as simple as college to big things such as the projects that I cant even say yet but let me say it is revolutionary.

im currently on a holiday and I am having my internship program at Spider Academy(go figure) doing some paperwork, training and teaching. my life revolve around this place right now and includes all the people connected to it. we really are a family.

during my birthday celebration, I spent most of the time with them because somehow and I know its weird because all who came are good friends of mine but I feel most comfortable in the middle of my team, weird but true. still waiting for the pictures to be uploaded by one of my brothers from the mat (a new name for those who are training jiujitsu often and I consider a very close friend).

something weird is happening to me and I don’t know what. sometimes I feel like im not me. weird, still trying to figure out what is happening

2011 in review…looking ahead

2012-01-01T09:30:00.001-08:00

so if any of you really reads my blog, maybe its been obvious that I didn’t post as much as 2009 or 2010, I only did 13 post in 2011 but actually so many things happened and some changed me a lot. some has been posted. so this is 2011 in review

2011 is the official year I separate from my high school friends and go our own way, that itself is already a big change.(posted here)

I spend a lot of time in spider academy. training, helping, organizing, doing some office work. I feel grateful to have this family around me. I really let them enter my life and I really feel like they are a part of me, some fills the voids in my life(sounds familiar?). I love to learn from them, to teach them, to work with them but most of all I love to be a part of them.( posted here and here)

well, that really concludes 2011 and of course I have a resolution

and first that is to be active on this blog again

2nd, to be closer to my new friends, keep in touch with old ones

3rd, to be a good student, businessman, fighter, brother, role model

and I think that’s my 2011 in review and my 2012 resolutions

its been too long

2011-12-17T10:36:00.001-08:00

for the second time this year I will say, its been too long since the last time I wrote something here.

if I write something here, it wont be far from BJJ, spider academy, friendship, brotherhood, and all those things I usually writes about

now what? there is an urge to write but theres nothing to write about. I used to have an entire post in my head before I wrote it down but now I can even think of what to write about.

Im writing, writing about my confusion of not knowing what to write. I don’t know what to write, yet im writing.

its an awkward post, better end it now.

ciao

its been so long long long

2011-10-30T12:24:00.001-07:00

its been so long since the last time i actually post something here. lots of unfinished posts that went to my laptop’s recycle bin and lots of stories untold. lets just say, these past few months have been very fun, very busy, very humbling, and made me think about things a lot.

i won my first championship, well 2nd place but it was my first medal. it was a national level called “Indonesian Jujitsu championship’ and guess who was the head of the committee for this tourney? yes, you guessed it! the bomber himself. it was a humbling experience. i thought my BJJ was really good that i can beat those who are great in other arts but then my friend raka who is a great kyokushin fighter beat me fair and square after i gassed out and tapped out to his ezekiel choke after he survived my scorpion crunch and arm triangle attempt. i gotta say, Raka was the man of the day. he got 3 gold and the belt for being the best of the best.

what really got me happy was that everytime i coach someone on their corner, they won. i coach only those i feel comfortable around. my brothers in the mat, my best friends, my friends. because i know them and i know how to deal with them and how to lead them to greatness. my fellow bjj friend who also wear a black vulkan gi(i’d like to call us “black vulkans”) won 1st place and guess who was in his corner? you’re right again! it was the bomber! a friend of mine who learned muay thai beat my jujitsu friend and i was in his corner. i was so damn happy being in their corner. some of these guys are like my real relatives, like a brother to me.

you guys who read my blog may think im a “brother-freak” or anything you’d like to call me for all the things i wrote here but that thing is important for me. having that lil brother figure makes me feel needed, makes me feel strong and when i feel that way, i am motivated to be that way. i will try to be the best at anything i do. i would like to be a good role model. im the oldest of the young guns of spider academy, i dont want to be the bad dude, i want them to see me as someone good so they dont get any bad image from the arts they learn.

being a high school graduate and a freshman at college really strikes me since all of my new friends live far from me and we cant hang out that often. my high school friends live out of town so yeah, its so hard. good thing my 2nd family is always there, spider academy is always there. i found my purpose to be here in Jakarta. i have a lot of chances to be a great man, a great businessman and a great fighter.

lots have happened, mostly about martial arts because i have spent a lot of time at the dojo lately, its like a 2nd home to me

black vulkans

…

2011-08-13T13:56:00.001-07:00

i really dont know what to write right now but something tells me to go here and write something. im just a bit unstable at this moment i think.

behind me, 2 friends are sleeping, both are from my dojo. one of them is my junior and the other is the same batch as me. they just fell asleep and im still here writing, awake. know what? without these guys and the other from my dojo, i would be fucking alone right now. all my good friends moved to other cities and some who is still here in jakarta will move soon too. i know i will find new friends in college but its just so hard to let something go right? im just so grateful that these friends from my dojo are here, even though not literally here but at least now i know where i can run for friends beside my really dear high school friends

Purposes

2011-08-04T12:34:00.001-07:00

dealing with graduation, separation, end of high school, college and things. I’ve been telling myself

“everything happens for a reason, I’m here or anywhere in the world is god’s will. there must be something that i must and can do. there must be something about me i have to fix here and there must be someone i can help”

and it is really helpful. its been helping me to move on from many things that’s bothering me. i hope that group of words i put together can inspire you readers and then maybe you will realize that

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

Family Family Family

2011-08-03T13:29:00.001-07:00

its been a long time since i posted anything here but I’ve been busy with many things. BJJ, cooking, college administration and those things.

since the new college term wont start until the 5th of September, i have nothing to do except BJJ and hang out with my friends. On the other hand, my friends has moved to other cities to pursue their dream because they were accepted in various universities outside Jakarta. so here i am doing nothing but lately i have found a new “light” in my dark time(which is doing nothing) and that is to practice my martial arts more and more. during that process, i found these group of kids at spider academy. they are 3 years younger than me and the thing that draws me to them is they have the spirit to learn martial arts. at some point, they remind me of myself during my early time in the world of martial arts. i am older than them and i have been learning martial arts longer than them but they made me proud, real proud. they have good personalities too because they act their age(i dislike people who dont act their age especially when its because they want to look good)

Like i said many posts ago, The Spider Academy Team is like a family and i have been feeling that thing since long ago but tonight during one of that kid farewell party because he is moving to Singapore, that feeling rise and it was strong then one of my friend whispered that thing to me, he said “dri, look…this group aint like teachers and students…it looks like a big family” and you know what? it does, it really does.

its Ramadhan now in the Moslem Calendar where we will fast from subuh(around 5am) until maghrib(around 6pm) and Ramadhan is time where families get together and eat their meals together. at first i didnt get it why the first fast breaking of Ramadhan is so spoecial until we have to sacrificed our activites to sit and eat with our family. but this year it was special, on my dinner table it wasnt only my family but my special family which is me, my dad, my mom, my sister, my sister’s bestfriend and my bestfriend…its special, it really was…it was somehow meaningful to me. and that’s when i understnad why the first day of ramadhan is so special. its Moslem’s thanksgiving. its a special moment. a moment we should be grateful about. a moment when a family becomes A FAMILY.

Separation

2011-07-11T12:46:00.001-07:00

just got back from a mini surprise birthday celebration for alif’s 17th birthday with hammam dipo hafidz adiz. something made me realize that you cant have everything you want in this world. sometimes, when you have that thing, you have to separate from it at one point.

now here i am waiting for my time to enter college. the time when i have to separate from my friends and walk my path alone. even though i want them to be with me, they cant, faith leads us to our own path and faith is also the thing that may and hopefully always brings us together again at one point.

now, not only we go to separate universities but also separate cities and for me, its something that hopefully will help us to grow up and learn to let something go.

separation may be hurtful, separation may be sad but if you take the lesson in that, maybe it will be less painful. now i hope all of us especially me can take that lesson from this separation that will happen soon.

friends, high school, 14

2011-07-07T10:50:00.001-07:00

14 right now is so meaningful for me. 14 years is the time i have spent with the amazing batch 14 of Al-Izhar Pondok Labu, my school since kindergarten to high school. Now, I’m standing in the real world. no more school. i have graduated from high school and even though i didn’t graduate with the best score in the world I’m still so happy that i have done it with all the effort i can give to it.

14 years i spent there. not a short time but it sure feels like only a wink. it feels like it was yesterday that i step my foot in Al-Izhar’s kindergarten but now here i am waiting for my time in college which will start in approximately 2 months.

my high school life was great. if you follow the stories on my blog maybe you will be confused when i say its great because i whine and mourn a lot during my high school time but for me that is the beauty of my high school life and maybe that is beauty of life. when life strikes you hard, you just have to open your eyes wide and see that there are people who were send by god to help you and i find that in my high school friends.

yes my friends, if i should hug them everyday just to thank them, i will. that’s how much they mean to me. some writes more story in my books of life than some other of them but i love them all. some feel like the part of the family that i never have, some fill the void in my life. voids that i really would like to fill and then they were there standing to fill it. i feel so grateful to god that i realized them, i feel so grateful to god that i realized that you dont have to look for friends, you just have to be grateful for what you already have.

now my friends, we will go our own way and it hurts me everytime i realize that we cant meet other as often as we used to because i love you all. i really hope nothing changes between us and we will continue to be this big family forever.

thank you, thank you, thank you

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you (In My Life – Beatles)

As we go on we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever (Graduation – Vitamin C)

And I don't wanna let another day
pass us by without a chance to say
thank you, thank you.
And I don't think you have a clue
for everyday you pull me through.
For all of the things that you

Love, love, love.
I don't always show it, but I hope you know it. (Thank you – Jim Brickman Feat Matt Giraud)

Karma

2011-04-14T05:50:00.001-07:00

Karma...now i knida believe in it

Back in middle school. I used to be the bully to some people.
That people became a very good friend in high school. Karma? Maybe

But the karma im talking about is not that kind of karma but now i see these people i was talking about get the same treatment I used to do to them but from other people. And there's no fucking thing i can do about it. It's torturing me. Its easier to defend them and to beat those guys up if the bullyig is physical or if they do it not secretly. Since they do it secretly, theres nothing i can do about it and again its torturing me. It is torturing and painful to see some people you care about gets a bad treatment that they doesnt deserve. Crap, today...at this very moment im stressful about this. If i con front them, it would be a fucking boomerang for me. Ending this post, i just want to say

CRAP!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:School

Random post at the airport

2011-03-08T17:29:00.001-08:00

Currently at the airport waiting for boarding time. Im going to singapore for michael buble's concert? Seems fancy ay? Hey, it may be once in a lifetime opportunity to watch him live and it turns out that its not that expensive. What's crazy is that next week is the first one of my two school exam. I think imma blame buble if i fail high school :p

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Jalan Inspeksi Cengkareng Drain,Jakarta Capital Region,Indonesia

World of warcraft: a game, a lesson, a language, a bond

2011-03-08T05:29:00.001-08:00

Wow is life ~ alif(lazarrus)

WoW wOw WoW wOw WoW wOw WoW wOw duuuh... ~ hammam(megonkk)

Yes, we are addicted to the world of warcraft. For you who doesnt know what on earth is Wow. Let me tell you as simple as its just an mmorpg game. The thing is, me and almost all of the boys in my entourage is addicted to it. I admit it, its a great game. What interesting is this game becomes a "language" not really in a good way because it is always our topic in every conversation. But hey, im a positive dude so what i see in this is the reason that the bond we share become stronger in this game even to those who i dont even know exist before(exaggeration) like my friends's brothers(real blood related brothers). So even though i do not reccomend this game since it is very addictive but there's so much good things about WoW especially when you have someone to share it with...just like cookies

Hammam alif and me, in other form

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Money

2011-02-24T04:59:00.001-08:00

I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you – The Beatles

money makes the world go round…who doesnt like money? i know i do

but the thing everybody have to realize is that money is/isnt everything. well, it depends on the situation of course. ya’ll know im all about cheesy things. money can buy me cheese, but money cant buy me cheesy things.

there’s this dude, if you read my old post you may know who the hell im talking about. he got tons of money, actually im talking about two person but they will have different cases

one of them climb the popularity ladder with his money and stay there but the dark side is he does not realize that everyone of his entourage befriend him only because of his money.

the second person used to have everybody beside him and then he lost them then he tried everything to get them back. they didnt leave him, they just dont play with him that much anymore. then he try to get them back with the dark way with MO*wait for it*NEY..MONEY

people who knows what im talking about may tell me that im being mr.know it all talking like this but i know first hand that this particular person does this because i Knew him well.

now lets get back to MOI

no i dont have a lot of money

pocket money crisis is often my middle name but i sometimes i treat my friends when i got money..why? im just being grateful for having them (cheesy ay?). what does some money to buy some snacks means if you dont have anyone to share them with you? but that doest mean that i “buy” my friends. i dont have the things to do that and i just cant understand that. i buy my friends with compassion and friendship…not money

a good friend of mine once asked me? “why are you being so nice all of a sudden and keep paying for me/us?”(i dont exactly remember if it was me or us)

the answer is simple: i want to

one thing you got to know is that I DONT BUY MY FRIENDS

i write this for no particular purposes but its just something i want to “declare”

so, cheers!!!

2010 award

2011-01-10T09:13:00.001-08:00

i’ve been thinking about this for days now, time to post it

Chef of the Year: Jamie Oliver (the food revolution program is a breakthrough)

Movie of the year: Kamen Rider X Kamen Rider: movie taisen 2011 CORE and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1 (kamen rider movie taisen is the only movie that beat harry potter on the chart)

Breakthrough Artist Of the year: Bruno Mars

Album Of the year: recovery – eminem

song of the year: Love the way you lie – Eminem ft. Rihanna

fighter of the year: George St Pierre(won the ultimate fighter as coach and retain the welterweight belt)

Band of the year: Train

Female Artist of the Year: Miranda Lambert

Male Artist of the Year: Eminem

Blessings and Resolution +

2011-01-01T08:59:00.001-08:00

so, we just passed 2010 and here we are on date 1-1-11

i feel blessed with a lot of obvious positive things for me

to me, there are two kinds of blessings. one which you feel it is a blessings and one where you have to learn it deeply to realize that what you’re getting is a blessing

last October marked my one year anniversary as a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu student and my one year journey was not smooth as i lost so many times during a tournament but during my last tournament i finally beat a guy and it was an eye opener to me, a prove that i can do something, a prove that when you want it and you go for it, you can get it

for the world of mixed martial arts, a big surprise happened. “Emperor” Fedor Emalianenko lost to Fabricio Werdum due to a submission(triangle choke and armbar) but after his loss, Fedor said a very inspirational word that i think is the quote of the year. you can see it in the picture below

so my 2011 resolution can be concluded as this: GO, FIGHT AND GET WHAT YOU WANT

for me, that’s my 2010 blessings, there are a lot other blessings but i keep it to myself cause if i write it down, it wont be any use anyway cause its an abstract concept that only i and some people in my entourage understand. well, i wrote it many times here actually.

Football: Our Second Language

2010-12-29T06:57:00.001-08:00

the 2010 Suzuki AFF cup is now over and for the fourth time, Indonesia is the runner-up and we lost to our nemesis, Malaysia

in our first match in the group phase, we beat them 5-1 but in the first leg of the final they beat us 3-0 but with a controversial win where some of supporters used lasers to distract goalkeeper "Markus Haris Maulana or famous by the name Markus Horison.

but there is something really beautiful in this event, especially in this condition

Football is like a second language in Indonesia. all of us unite in this event. when we controversially loss to Malaysia in the first leg of the final, everybody shout their heart out and it fired up all of our footballer, support were everywhere and now we loss and got the runner up position, everybody still supports the team. our football world is the current trending topic on twitter and we will always support our team no matter what

GARUDA WILL STAY IN MY HEART FOREVER

GARUDA DI DADAKU!!!

national jersey twitter trending topic garuda di dadaku!!

Coach Alfred Riedl

teenage dream

2010-12-09T09:36:00.001-08:00

You make me feel like im living a teenage dream, the way you turn me on ~ katy perry

my teenage dream isnt having a girlfriend, thats just a small part of it. getting laid isnt a part of my teenage dream, again i say that its just a little part caused by some teenage hormon.

my teenage dream is the thing im living now, surrounded by good friends, surrounded by things that i love.

teenage dream doesnt always have to be cliche like having a grilfriend or getting laid or having a free time drinking until youre as high as the sky. that’s fun but not as fun as the time when you realize that those around you are the one who really makes you living your teenage dream. what’s a girlfriend without a friends right?

problem

2010-11-21T06:47:00.001-08:00

*this is an “easy to say, hard to do” post

i like the expression “we create our own problem”. it has a really deep meaning cause for me, how hard your problems are depends on how you see it

i faced some problem in my life, from my own to others, from friendship to relationship, from individual to global but as im going through each of them i realize that sometimes those problem will magically go away when we stand tall and say to ourselves “this aint a problem, this is just another spices god gave to the dish of my life” cause that way we can feel the essence in that particular problem which we can learn to use to our own benefit. i have one example which maybe some of you may know

i got a best friend who decided to break the bond between him and me. long story short, we are (almost a) nemesis now but i still dont know his reasons for doing this. i was devastated for months but then again i rise and found new best friends which i love until now. now, i always speak my mind to my friends if i have a problem with them or if i have something important to talk to them about themselves cause i know if he/she is really my friend that they will understand why i told them what i told them.

that’s just a little example. i aint telling you to ignore your problems but i am telling you to face it them move on!!!

I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. – Mark Twain

attachment

2010-11-18T03:02:00.001-08:00

im lying on my bed, listening to music while loading some wrestling videos on youtube waiting for the time to leave for Niko Han’s Seminar at Spider Academy while writing this.i just got home 2 hours ago from Futsal with the team and lunch at citos with Alif Hammam Adiz and Hafidz or as alif like to call it AHAHA (yes, its not funny i know but its creative).

i dont really know what i wanna write, all i know is im being emotional just by writing this and rememembering what hafidz said at lunch earlier today “our high school life will end soon, so soon we can count it with our fingers.”. all my life i never got friends like them or like the others, i never got the treatment of a best friend other than my high school brothers and sisters and some of my close friends from the early days. i really dont wanna leave you all and i really dont wanna you guys to leave me. im afraid that college life will tear our friendship apart and i really hope it wont.

this post might be tacky and cheesy but its coming from the deepest palce in my heart where you guys are.

what can i say? i guess im attached :)

Teacher

2010-11-02T07:07:00.001-07:00

im not a dude who respect teachers, i only respect teachers who gives me valuable lessons or those who are nice to me.

i have a record of threatening a teacher and shouted real hard to them, both english teacher, one is a substitute, the other one is a new teacher who changed after that and became one of my favourite teacher in my high school year

but this post wont be discussing teachers, not directly at least. it will discuss about my friends (my fav topic) that are my teachers in life.

yes, even though im not always on the receiving (advices) side, i always learn something but hey i aint gonna talk about me giving advices or someone giving advices to me cause thats just something obvious in a relationship between friends right?

this is just another post where i will thank my friend but hey, this might be boring or normal to you readers but it means a lot to me

i wanna thank you all for being my teacher. i wanna thank you for giving me advices whenever i need them or for listening to all the harsh crap that i have to tell you guys. trust me , all i do to you is because i love you all.

thanks all!!!!

\\//

Dear God

2010-10-31T10:21:00.001-07:00

Dear God

today was really fun, i spent the day with my friends

God, thank you for blessing me with them

they shower me with friendship

the shower me with brotherhood and their girly love

God, please keep this bond alive. please dont take it away

please keep it alive even though we are on our own path

please keep it alive

FOREVER

nickname and letters

2010-10-05T09:40:00.001-07:00

to: Hammam AKA my crazy bro AKA sek AKA mamski

what can i say dude? you’re one of the best and almost in everything. sorry if almost everynight i bother you telling you about my problems but you really light some of them up. i hope someday you’ll be a really successful man that takes everybody’s attention because i think you have that publicity charm (y). thanks mam ;)

to: Alif AKA my lil bro AKA willow -head AKA master jablay

bro bro bro, i cant say anything else. if hammam is the light, then you are also the light(?)…but the special thing about you is not the “light” thingy, that’s hammam’s. i just love being a close friends of yours because i can learn a lot from it because i think you need more guidance and by learning from that, i can be a better person. thanks lif (y)

to: Icha AKA hit-girl

cha, like the people above, i cant say anything to you but thank you because during my downtime, you were there all the time almost 24 hours, 7 days a week. now i want to give back to you cha. if you need anything please dont hesitate to ask me and i will try to be there for you like you were there for me. :)

Nizma AKA the unexpected girl AKA PING-PONG

nizma, this may be the first time anyone calls you “unexpected” but you are an unexpected girl for me because you were unexpectedly a very wise girl behind all that innocentness in you. no one should take you for granted niz and if someone dares to hurt you, im here to help. well that one goes to all of my friends. thank you ping pong 0_0

firly AKA the straight a’s girl AKA UPILI!

fir, sorry if i was being a pain in the ass during the time that a good friend of mine chase you all over the place and bothered you and your boyfriend. fir, i know it was hard for you cause it was hard for me too but we got it through right? fir, someday you will be what you wanna be. trust me, you are capable of being anything. (gym)

adiz AKA gerbil AKA my (sometimes too) nice brother

diz diz diz diz diz, what can i say? youre a crazy son of a gun that’s all hehehe kidding. youre too nice and youre one of the most caring person i ever met (i remember your question when i was sick in turkiye). well, being nice is good but being too nice is sometimes suicidal. take care ok bro?

hafidz AKA my annoying brother AKA the most annoying SOB

fidz, our bonds got stronger in the time i least expected and i hope it’ll last long. thank you for being annoying because that annoyance makes me stay here on earth and not above the cloud where i usually be when im too happy. like what i will do for all my friend, if you got trouble, you can contact me directly and i promise, if possible i will be there. be safe

tama AKA my brother from the darkness AKA runway

greetings ex enemy…yes, ex enemy that somehow change into one of my bestfriend. what can i say? you’re mysterious, yes you are. sometimes youre this and sometimes youre that but its never bad(IT RHYMES!!!) so i hope the bond will get stronger and we’ll have the time of our lives

Nickname and letters preview

2010-10-05T07:06:00.001-07:00

next post will be a special one cause i will write a mini letter to each of my friends and i will give them nickname, 2 actually. one positive “unyu”(maybe) nickname and the other one is a name i created or others created for them so just wait…

the real reason

2010-10-04T10:18:00.001-07:00

the real reason why im all about brotherhood and friendship is simple

i grew up with only one sibling and she’s 10 years older than me and that somehow makes me growing up playing almost alone all the time, i’ve always wanted a brother with the same age or a lil’ brother and thats why i treat all my close friend whether its a guy or a girl like that and sometimes it looks like an exaggeration but its a natural thing from me, i always wanna be there for them…as time goes by, some people understands this and i am grateful for that. i know sometimes im annoying but trust me that annoyance is a form of my love for all of you friends

this have a negative thing too, i become a really sensitive person when it come to friendship. not just sensitive as in im easily offended but also sensitive as in i feel the pain around me like its my own and sometimes it hurts me more than it hurts them, the bad thing is it triggers the old violent me and it can make me pay what someone did to my friend even thought its not my problem. i hope my friends will understand me if someday this part of me strikes back

for 2 weeks in a row my friends or as i like to call them my “brothers” or as they like to call themselves for some strange reasons “busway” meets up at my house and we play all day long afterschool. it makes me feel real good but for 2 weeks in a row also, my feelings got slammed down hard each time they went home after that long day

yandra said because i was being very happy but then those happy feelings just fly away, i think yandra is right but i cant always be like this. i cant be too dependant on them, i cant be down just because of that. if im like this all the time then what would i do after graduation? yes, that is the question in me now, what would i do without them?

i still dont know how to erase this and i still dont know the answer

project: better man

2010-09-30T10:42:00.001-07:00

sounds cool? if yes then i have succeeded in making cool names LOL

so these past few months I’ve been trying to become a better man, a better friend, a better everything to everyone and other than doing it by myself by looking at the mirror and asking whats the bad thing in me and how to change it…i launch this project and ask my friends in random times about me…with some question that confused people but i got a lot of nice answer, it opens my eyes that im being loved and here goes the (temporary) conclusion

1. im a loyal friend

2. i’ll do anything for a friend

3. i have the leader figure but sometimes bossy (trust me, sometimes i hate myself for this)

4. im stubborn and (now)sometimes emotionally unstable

5. im irreplaceable(OOO YEAH)

i almost cried when one of them said im “more than a good friend”

yes, i literally almost cry

it happens again when the the words “ no one can replace you” comes out

and “best friend” too….ah, i like being loved

and for that i will try to be a better man till not only im irreplaceable but im also unforgettable…well, that words kinda tacky isnt it?

oh yeah here are the names that have been the victim of this project

1. hammam

2. edwin

3. adiz

4. alif

5. tama

6. nizma

THANKS A LOT BROTHERS!!!

more coming soon

girls, get ready

seeing, believing, understanding

2010-09-23T06:47:00.001-07:00

idealism hurts, thats what i learned days ago. well not always but sometimes it hurts you because you just cant see the things that is happening around you and sometimes it will take something or someone from you

people sometimes believe that their partner(gf/bf) or is the perfect person that understands them blah blah blah. blah! rubbish! well, not exactly rubbish but having a partner sometimes hurts you and you need someone to run to. if you cant see the people that cares about you, there’s a possibilities that you’ll run into the wrong person and that is dangerous.

understands your surroundings, understands the thing surrounding your surroundings then you will learn that people DO care about you and you need to care about them also…

im in the middle of helping someone i really care about, its a really good friend of mine. some people wouldnt help cases like this because they think that its none of their business and people might think im bugging in to their problem but im just doing what i suppose to do and thatis keeping something together like it should be and exterminating those who deserves to be exterminated…one pest

tumblr

2010-09-23T06:27:00.001-07:00

people use tumblr sometimes as a regular but mostly because its just fun…well mine’s different, my tumblr is a place where i express my extreme side…its better than i let it out on something unhealthy or dangerous right? sometimes i want people to read it, sometimes i want them to understand it, sometimes i want them to be confused about it and sometime i want people to ask me about it…complicated but its true

eye opener, college and separation

2010-09-18T12:47:00.001-07:00

so about a month ago i made a new folder on my laptop, its called the “eye opener”…nothing important actually…but for me, its one of the most important thing of all…its a collection of dialogue between me and my friends or between my friends that somehow i can copy it to my laptop… its a reminder that i have these dudes and girls around me that cares about so much…its full of touching words, maybe someone will throw up if they read it because its like so soap operas, so cliche but like i said before, there’s nothing cliche about friendship.

i enrolled to college days ago and the test will be held on november the 14th and that reminds me that someday me and my friends will go our own way, we will go our separate ways and i can be sure that we will hang out almost every day like now, im not even sure that we will contact each other everyday but at least i will always have them in my heart and i have my “eye opener” to remind me that i had a great time with you guys

negative thinking

2010-09-12T09:56:00.001-07:00

after that incident, the last year incident…there’s a negative change in me

i became a person that never have a positive thought about some things that i see, especially when it comes to friendship and relationship…a friend of mine told me its normal after what i went through but sometimes its tiring because i will be full of bad expectations and sometimes it affect my relationship with my friends too, hope it’ll be gone soon

anyone have any idea how to get this off?

another friend of mine told me that i have to believe in everything more and when it comes to friends, you guys know how much i believe them…i believe them a thousand percent, well at least i try to but still, i often thinks bad about something…its not always about them and i dont want my bad thoughts to effect my trust and so, i try to delete this negative thoughts that sometimes hangs in my brain

incident

2010-09-10T10:38:00.001-07:00

hot news: pastor terry jones wants to burn the Quran as a memorial to the 9/11 incident

yes, HE IS WRONG, HE IS MAKING A VERY BIG MISTAKE!!!

but there are exaggeration here

the one who wants to burn The Qur'an is Terry Jones so if you need somebody to blame, then blame him...not his country, not his religion...even his government is againts him, so again, dont hate the USA for this act but blame the one who wants to burn it

OBAMA who is a Christian is againts him and OBAMA is THE LEADER OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!! and that is a strong reason not to hate the USA and Christians for this incident

cliche-ness

2010-09-10T10:35:00.001-07:00

its like the third post about my clicheness of friendship but now, its about me…about the clicheness that i desires…i do some of these things to my friends, maybe not all the time and not to everyone but i hope i will in the future

sometimes i wish that my friend

would ask me “what’s wrong” when they see I’m troubled

would know the emotions i hide cause that is like the ultimate thing in a relationship between friends

yes, its only 2 for now cause im very tired and cant think of anything else…so, i may edit this post in the future

a quote by me

2010-09-07T13:05:00.001-07:00

mungkin gw satu dr beberapa yg sadar kalo temen adalah orang pertama yg lo cari kalo semuanya ngecewain. pacar bs ngecewain tp lo ga mungkin ngomong ke pacar lain ttg pacar lo kan? cuma temen yg bisa lo cari dan gantungin diri lo

maybe i’m one of the few people who realize that friends is the first thing that you look for when the world disappoints you. your partner can disappoint you but you cant talk your other partner about your partner right? friends are the only thing you can look for and depend on

tal vez yo soy una de las pocas personas que se dan cuenta que los amigos es la primera cosa que usted busca cuando el mundo te decepciona. su pareja puede decepcionarte, pero no puedes hablar tu pareja acerca de su derecho de otros socios? los amigos son la única cosa que usted puede buscar y dependen de

forse sono una delle poche persone che si rendono conto che gli amici è la prima cosa che cercate quando il mondo ti delude. il vostro partner si può deludere ma non si può parlare con il vostro partner altro tipo riguardanti il partner giusto? amici sono l'unica cosa che potete cercare e dipendono

belki bir o arkadaşlar ilk şey seni aramak gerçekleştirmek birkaç kişiden olduğum zaman dünyayı hayal kırıklığına sen. Eşiniz sizi hayal kırıklığına ama sen cant eşiniz sağ ilgili diğer ortak konuşabilir miyiz? arkadaşlar size bakabilir ve bağlı tek şey vardır

cont…

2010-09-05T09:53:00.001-07:00

remember last night’s post? well if you dont, you just can read it again HERE

what i wanna say now i simple, all that i wrote in that post is true without any exaggeration or any intention to get attention. i wrote as a gift for my friends for being there for me all the time, and i wanna show them that i wanna give back to them and im ready to be there for them 24/7, maybe not physically but i will be there in any form of support.

just hours ago, a good brother of mine released (maybe) all of his feelings on plurk and it triggers me to write this post cause he said this

“******** feels : Pathetic and worthless right now.. Why? Idk.. Maybe.. Ah nevermind”

to me, none of my brothers and sisters are worthless so i dont want them to feel that worthless cause even when no one does, i need them, i already proved this and i proved this not in a easy way(for me)

so i will say this to all my brothers and sisters

NONE OF YOU ARE WORTHLESS!!! ALL OF YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE!!! IN EVERY SECONDS OF MY WONDERFUL(thanks to you all) LIFE!!!

preview

2010-09-04T12:18:00.001-07:00

this is a preview of my essay about friendship for english class

let me tell you a story about a boy. he have so many bestfriends in his life but they are gone as time goes by…from kindergarten to junior high to junior year in high school, one by one of his best friends are eaten by time and conflicts. his idea of a best friend is simple and cliche

a person who will be there for him

a person who will listen to his advice

a person that is not afraid to tell him whats wrong about him

someone he can protect

someone he can claim as his best friend

a person that answer with his name whenever he gets asked who is one of their best friend

now this boy gets a group of best friends who does these things and he is grateful even though sometimes he feel fragile about his bond with his best friends. there’s an insecurity in him and sometimes that insecurity hurts him…all he needs is a feeling that makes him sure that this group is the right one…he is sure that they are the one for him but he is not sure that he is the one for them…its nobody’s fault…its trauma…he believes and he hopes that these best friends he called as his brothers and sisters are his real friends, the one that he have been looking all his life

and whenever he calls you his brother/sister, he always mean it from the bottom of his heart. to him, the title “brother/sister” is not something to use all the time like some of the people in this world, its special…maybe because he always wanted one but if he calls you his brother then that means, you are special for him.

when it comes to his brothers/sisters, its always special for him, even one arm across his shoulder or one friendly hug can mean the world for him. yes, friendship means that much for him…its cliche but it means more than the world for him

every second of his life, he thank his friends cause he know that he cant survive without them…he knows that his personality is strange with lots of emotional burst and he knows that makes every relationship fragile and thats why he is always grateful that his brothers and sisters understands him

random letter game

2010-09-02T12:03:00.001-07:00

1. hey yo…we’ve been friends like 14 years and i didnt know you that well but somehow, thank god that we’re close enough now. there’s a lot of things that i like about you and the first one is you innocent-ness(?) and that is rare now cause it is natural not a fake innocent ness like anybody else…what can i say? i like you better now than back then cause back then you were very very quiet…maybe because i didnt know you that well

2. there will be a lot of gratitude in this post but the first person that will get it is you…for me, right now, my number 1 friend is you, well a lot of people is number 1 for me but one of them is you. why? for years you’ve been there for me and maybe along the way i have dissapointed you but then you came back and we are close again…i guess that’s what friendship is all about…problems then reconciliation. thank you, thank you, thank you

3. ALOOOHHAAAA!!! like the person above this letter, you are one of my angels that help me through my tough times with a friend of mine…i must say that this person have a unique personality cause SHE(thats a clue) is not all that feminine but still have a very sweet girly side, and a tough side too…thank you angel, you helped me and im sure that the bond between us will be stronger in the future

4. what can i say? you come in the time i expect the least and you shine like a bright light in a dark alley of my problem. we werent that close in the first year but faith bring us together and now, here we are being best friends…i hope i can be the friend that is ideal in your eyes and like everybody else here in this post, i hope our bond will grow stronger every day of my life

cant see it

2010-08-31T05:50:00.001-07:00

writing this from my dorm room in Istanbul, Turkiye

yes, its been a hell of a week…here, in turkiye with my friends for a summit and its great… there was a lack of facility in the beginning but i fulfill my mission to fix my bond with my friends, at least those that are here with me, but that’s enough for now…

there’s something that i realize which is love between friends is always there, it just doesnt show itself

love love love, i dont always show it but i hope you know it – jim brickman feat matt giraud

attention

2010-08-31T05:49:00.003-07:00

this is the 1 of 4 series of posts…enjoy

the word that i said above is a common thing in our life. sometimes we misuse these things and we do it sometime on purpose but we don’t know that were doing it. confused ???

you see, in this world of course we want to be noticed by people for friends, relationships, business and many things in this life. its not a bad thing but sometimes, something bad comes out by itself without we knowing it…everybody can do anything they want to get their goal but in the process, they might hurt other…another person or maybe another society…like i said earlier, maybe they dont want to hurt others, they just want to reach their goals

what’s my point?

my point is we should be careful and accept the reality, dont deny something that is good for us and dont hurt others…love each other and dont risk some good relationship with people to reach anything you want…its not worth it

i used to be confused why i want to be your friend, but now i know. im here, to guide you

role model

2010-08-31T05:49:00.001-07:00

everybody need one, i know it well

but sometimes people misunderstand this figure.

having a role model is not about following each and everyone of their move, the way they talk or anything…having a role model means you take the good things from them then you convert that things to yourself in your own way, not exactly like what your role model do.

its good to have a role model but its not good to follow every step that they makes because it will erase our own character from us, and that bad

its not the way, take your way but that way is not yours

promise

2010-08-18T09:40:00.001-07:00

its a heavy word

you see, there’s a problem that is beyond my reach, i can face it and fix it but it takes time then i made this promise to hammam and adiz that i will be a better person

im a hard dude, i know that but if i have to change to make my friends feel better and feel better about me, then why not? its a positive thing and its for a good deed

today, i realize that the bond between us is so strong that even the dude that never shows any emotion such as hafidz and alif can cry… that triggers me to do something bout myself

so i will make this declaration that i call my declaration of “no more problems”

- no more anger burst

-no more hurtful act

-no more hurting people that i love

yandra and hilman will study for one year in the states, and when we part in the airport, i feel that emptiness, like they say

you dont know what you got until its gone

but i wont be drowned in this emptiness and sadness, i have to move forward like hammam said

all ending are also beginnings, we just dont know it at the time – Mitch Albom

hey! This lost is just for temporary, have you get through this? Get used to it... Be STRONG!

- hammam

the time, the real meaning

2010-08-17T02:51:00.001-07:00

when it comes to friendship, there is no word such as “cancer”, no word such as “parasite”….each person with their own unique personality is a unique addition to the group UNLESS if he/she do something that breaks the group apart

there’s a rivalry between me and a friend of mine and somehow the bond between my friends group just got stronger and i love it cause even though there’s problem around but it doesnt affect the group cause they know that they’re not part of the problem and dont have to join in. you can say that the rivalry cost me a really good friend of mine but in exchange…god gave me TONS OF BEST FRIENDS than i can depend on, i hope the bond will last long and i hope nothing will break it

im not afraid of anything or any enemy cause i know there's nothing like real friendship, no money or thing that have the ability to beat real friendship

thank you guys for all the time that we spent together and the time that we will spend in the future…thanks is not even enough to payback what all of you have given me…

and i apologize if in these past weeks i have been an ass …i apologize for all my wrong doings to you guys…please understand that i still love you all and will do anything for you all when its possible

needs, energy, ending it

2010-08-16T06:59:00.001-07:00

need to calm down and make more friends...dont wanna lose any friends anymore...1 is more than enough...

1 enemy takes all my energy...energy i can use for other things

so soon, i will end this rivalry...it wont happen if no one starts it

she refused to help me, and so i will find my own way and use it wisely

that's what've I though at first, then I realized that we lived in one world togetha' ...use it

that's life, full of obstacles. kinda harsh

at least i can depend on all of you here ...thats why i said i need to calm down and control my own emotion

yeah whatever so man, that's what i mean

and your tongue

full of obstacles full of risk, pass it maybe you'll have the moment of your life

An Apology

2010-08-01T10:30:00.001-07:00

people makes mistake…on purpose or not and thats why im saying

IM SORRY

for the mistakes i made on purpose or not

i feel like i make a lot of mistakes this past few days and maybe i have hurt some people…

im sorry guys

again im sorry

FAMILIA

2010-07-27T08:12:00.001-07:00

this post will describe how i feel about each and everyone of my closest in friends. i will write what i like about them and the things that i will miss about them

the dogs and the cats, one by one

as you know, i only call the dudes by “bro/brother” or the girls “sis/fav girl” if i consider them as a close friend and all these people that i will describe is qualified to be called bro, sis or whatever i think only suitable for close friends

i’ll start with the bros/dogs/dudes

----------------------------------------------

Andi Muhammad Alif Anzharputra: aaah, the little boy, my brother from another mother(and father and so on and so on)…not that young but acts that young…he’s sixteen but i always consider him as a 14 years old cause i think that’s his uniqueness, that boyish behaviour… i have a lot of (self proclaimed) brother but this dude right here is one of the few that i treat like a real lil bro…nothing personal, its just fun

M. Hammam: the youngest boy in the group i think, definitely the definition of a crazy daredevil…he’s unique in his own way…that craziness that always triggers laughter everywhere. even though he’s so emo sometimes but everybody have their downtime right? this dude is crazy and im not that crazy but somehow we have a lot in common and in some crazy way hammam alif and i always end up together doing some crazy things or just hanging out together…not that we separate ourselves from the group but sometimes when the group part to someplace, the three of us always end up together somewhere

M. Adiz Wasisto: MY ~~GERBIL~~ VOCALIST, the kind person that you wont find anywhere else, just dont tease him with some names or he will rip your heart out. he’s loyal and full of ideas…i will miss his sensitivity to everything and his mini feud with hammam that often happens

Bimata Prathama Harianto: THE ~~HELLHOUND~~ Guitarist…he was the kind of guy that everybody wanna kill but he changed and now everybody love(?) him…i dont have much to say except i will miss his sudden freakiness and i will miss him joining something all of a sudden

Hafidz Akbar Antonius: one thing that is obvious about this dude is he is sometimes so ***DAMN ANNOYING but that what makes me likes him as a friend even more cause it is a friendly annoyance…a sign that he knows that his words wont hurt you…this annoyance is the thing i’ll miss

Alyandra Gusman: THE KING OF ALL TACKY DURIAN, sometime really annoying but that annoyance of his is the thing that makes everybody love him cause it makes him sometimes funny…he is a guy that sometimes can act like a freaking smartypants but its just a phase that he will get over in no time.

M. Edwin Irawan: THE KING OF ALL SUBJECTS…dont be fooled by his scores cause behind all that straight a’s lies a man with very weird behaviour and a very noble heart…i’ll miss his nerdiness and geekiness

Ilham Putra: put a scientist, a geek, a perv and a boy in a mixer and you will get a person exactly like him…all those things i said about him are the things that i will miss about him

Aditya Hartaji: Mr. Muscle is nothing compared to him, not only his muscles but his brain is stronger, he’s so smart he can kill Einstein with his brainwave..i’ll miss his laughter cause he laugh to almost every joke.

Dipatirta Perdana Suhardiman: his ***damn funny jokes is the thing i will miss the most and also the fun ride home(in my car or his car)…hhmmm good times good times

Irsyad Kautsar Stamboel: sylar’s gay partner, my friend since middle school…he is like the extra member of the group cause he is there in ~~the land of the maids~~ Phillipines but i always meet him whenever he’s here in Jakarta…the thing i miss about him is his silly face that makes me wanna slap him everytime i see it and his silly words that makes me wanna give him bad name LOL

ITS TIME FOR THE CATS/SIS/FAVOURITE GIRL…this will take time, there are so many girls, so it might not be as detail as the dudes since there are so much girls in the group

Ratu Lucky: Crazy for PARTY!!! that is the thing about her that makes her interesting…a big risk taker, will do everything to get what she want…i’ll miss her voice that i can hear almost from a mile away from her

Annissa Dyah Ayu: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~too cool sometimes LOL…she doesnt talk much but she is a very intelligent person, i’ll miss her smart comments that sometimes even a hard dude like me cant beat.

Nizma Samara Arifin: her innocent behaviour is her charm, i’ll miss that for sure…anyone who will be in the same college as her is one lucky person cause she will bring laughter to your days

Kartika Diva Asriani: www.divasuradi.blogspot.com will explain to you readers the things that i will miss about this girl right here…HER COMEDY!!! even though she can be a sensitive girl but that’s normal isnt it ?

Najwa Assilmi: QUANTITY NOT QUALITY AND Ms. HYGIENIC…2 nicknames that just says everything about her…i’ll miss that two things

Firda Istania: this merchant is the the source of FOOD!!! she is the mother figure of us, the one that will make tea for you in the morning just because she wants to…i’ll miss her mother figure

Firly Tamara: another innocent figure…a lot of boys likes her but she is still the same person. i will miss her sudden act of evil that still wrapped in her innocent-ness

Nabila Nurul Hasanah: the violinist that everybody likes, she’s the only classical musician in the group i think…i’ll miss her musical taste

Alyssa Adya Putri: aaa, i will miss alyssa and her appetite for some drinks…she drinks a lot of things and never manage to get drunk and thats a great thing in my opinion…someday, we will drink together, all of us…LOL

Nadya Rifani: the melodic guitarist which is brilliant, give her a guitar and you will be dancing in the air because the sweet melody will ask you “shall we dance?”…she is a girl with a guy’s behaviour, dont piss her off or you will be crushed by her…i’ll miss her music and i’ll miss her tough jokes and her punch when i say things to her LOL

Andira Hardjodipuro: one word says it all: “ SHE IS AN ANGEL!!!”

Indira Agiasandrini: what can i say about her? she’s nice…she’s like a combination of icha and a little bit of fani…i’ll miss the face that she give to me whenever i make a bad joke

Nissa Adelia: ARASHI!!! she is an arashi lover…everything related to arashi is her best friend…i’ll miss that arashi geekiness cause its fun to look at it

Nudiandra Sarasvati: THE BALLERINA, i will miss her words, i will miss her stories but most of all i will miss her honesty…she is the most honest person i ever met…she is also very very very very sweet

Rianti Dwiastuti: i will miss her advices, her smile, her anger, her drinking appetite and definitely her relaxing words

I LOVE YOU ALL GUYS!!! YOU GUYS ARENT MY FRIENDS, YOU GUYS ARE DEFINITELY NOT MY SECOND FAMILY

YOU GUYS ARE MY FAMILY!!!

again

2010-07-07T05:46:00.001-07:00

i guess, im destined to be this cheesy friendship addict cause i always try to understand something especially when its happening to a close friend…this time, i gotta use this “mode” again since i smell some misunderstanding between my friends and i dont want that…i really gotta do something and im doing it right now…i just hope it will works out well unlike before…its risky, but its for a good deed

wishlist of the month

2010-07-01T09:40:00.001-07:00

wishlist of the month

kamen rider accel driver: 450

shipping: 170

kamen rider wfc 1-5: @200

UFC Glove: 250

shipping: 50

SHF Kabuto: 300

money needed: 620 + 1000 + 300 + 300 = 2,200 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

anti

2010-05-31T09:00:00.001-07:00

*the language in this post will be harsh. the thing may offend but this is not for offending, just for observation purposes*

Hate…a very very strong word. hating something is ok, but when that hatred grows into something more extreme, its bad. having an anti-something feeling is not the thing we humans suppose to have because each and everything in this worlds connects to each other somehow, god made it that way.

this post is not intended to root for any sides, it is posted so people can make less hatred in this world

i have some examples of Anti Movement in this world

some people say

“i hate the americans, they treats moslem like animals and they are war mongers”

facts: each year, thousands or maybe millions of Americans converted to Islam. do you still hate them?….about being war mongers, im a million percent sure that war mongers have their reasons cause wars needs a big big fund and no country in this world have the money that is indicated for making wars cause everybody understands that there are no winner in a war. if you say that the USA is a bad country and iron mongers, lets see it before and now, how bout seeing 3 presidential runs

Clinton: are there any war? NO…are the moslems treated badly? NO

Bush. Jr : war? Yes…bad treatment to moslem? yes..but we need to see the reasons. some moslem EXTREMIST attack the USA before…so its just normal if they act that way.

Obama: war? this far, NO…bad treatment to Moslem? definitely NO.

“i hate the Moslems (or the jews) cause they are terrorists”

are all moslem terrorists? im a moslem and im definitely not a terrorist. bill gates is a jew, does he attack the innocents? NO, he is a damn big philantrophy

are there any sentence in both holy books or words from both prophet that says or suggested the people to attack others? NO

it is the people own crazy will to attack others, dont hate the religion or all the people…hate the evil doers

“i hate the Israel because they are a big fucking war monger”

this is the one anti movement i hate the most because some people are blind in this movement. whats so wrong about the israel? yes they did bad things like the attack on the mavi marmara but if we hate them, we’re just like them.

some people say: “i dont wanna buy starbucks because they give money to USA and Israel as war mongers”

facts: if you put starbucks out of business, you just kill almost all coffee planter in south america, africa and some other parts of the world + their family cause starbucks buy those coffee beans from them and if starbucks is out of business, THEY WILL BE TOO.

“i dont wanna buy COCA COLA cause they fund the USA and Israel as War Mongers”

wanna put coca cola out of business? then youre expecting thousands and thousands of people jobless.

whats my point? NEVER BE AN ANTI, NEVER HATE A MOVEMENT. HATE SOMETHING SPECIFIC, HATE THE EVIL DOERS NOT THEIR NATIONALITY OR THEIR RELIGION

dont like some of the movements in this world? be a hippie!

youre anti hippies? go kill yourself!!!

anti suicide? then go fuck yourself!!!

------------------------------------------

inspiring dialog between me and my friends

its not wrong to hate the attackers of mavi marmara. its wrong to hate Israel as a country, not all israelis are bad person

open your eyes, read thisadriandika.blogspot.com/2010/05/ant...

adri

*sorry for the annoying promo*

iksylar

israelis attack every religion and country

iksylar

women, children

adri

then hate the attackers

adri

dont hate it as a country

adri

would you hate facebook for "everybody draw mohhamed"? or the creator of the page?

iksylar

the problem is all of them are like that

adri

sure? are the women in the countries attacks people? are the old person in israel attacks people? are all israelis man attack people?

ms.X

kids are taught to attack people.

adri

are all army in israel agrees about the attack? im sure some of them not.

adri

kids are innocent people...when someone teach them something, they will do it. but its not their fault

adri

its the one who teach them who should be blamed

adri

fun facts: israel is one of the oldest country in the world. it is there before palestine or the other

my letter…to you, to you girl

2010-05-28T12:16:00.001-07:00

*sorry readers, this post maybe a little cheesy and sound so weird but these are the things I’ve been keeping for a long time. so, please dont give me any hard comments for this post cause this is my declaration of enjoying the rest of my high school life with my friends and this is also my declaration to forget about my past especially the problems i posted so may times here…so, enjoy*

to you

i really don’t know who you are now, what i know is you are the biggest scumbag in scumbag history. you broke something that was so valuable to me, and now you try to take it again when i regain much more than you take. they are my friends, you left them for your girl but now you wanna have them back, you are treating them like they are your goons. THEY’RE NOT YOUR GOONS. you may have some personalities that charms people but i think people now know who you really are inside and that’s why i thank God SO MUCH that you and i are no longer friends cause in exchange, God gave me A bunch of friends, a bunch of best friends, a bunch of brothers. YOU, YOU CAN KISS MY ASS!!!

to you girl

Girl, who are you? i know who you are but now, that image is no longer there. even your friends don’t know who you are. some of them tried to understand but looks like you’re just so lost in the maze you created with your current boy. one day, you contacted me and i thought you’re back but the truth is you’re not. i wish you’re back cause i do miss you friend…you were the one who gave me strength in my downtime as a person, i used to be so strong but something take me down real bad but you were there to raise me back up without even have time to care about the status between us. please be back. i know i cant see you the same way i used to but i will try

Hunter

2010-05-16T09:22:00.001-07:00

so yesterday was my my fifth grappling championship and here’s my match card

77+ class

vs aryo from bandung

wins by side mount position

Semi Final: vs budi setiawan from bandung

loss by armbar

3rd place fight: vs Domi

loss by armbar

absolute

vs edi siswanto

loss via reverse neck crank

well, im dropping my bomber nickname and will change my nickname to

THE HUNTER

THE BEAST

cause now, I AM HUNTING FOR VICTORIES

cause i feel with my spirit but my record, somewhere near in the future i will be a joke but if i hunt for victories then my spirit wont be used in vain

so everybody

YOU BETTER STAY ALERT CAUSE THE HUNTER IS HERE AND IT’S MY TIME!!!!

actually im still confuse whether its the hunter or the beast…cause its almost the same thing…the thing is IM GOING BERSERK, I WILL BE A SAVAGE FIGHTER

what we see…majority

2010-05-09T06:27:00.001-07:00

before i start this post, i wanna say that i will protect each identity of my source if maybe it will offend someone…

this post is intended for observational purpose only, not to offend anyone

majority…a very dangerous thing cause sometimes its not always the right thing

you see, sometimes the majority thinks that someone is not someone that deserves to be heard or someone is just a stupid person whose advice is not qualified to be heard and sometime its wrong.

there’s this friend of mine who is very playful and i know no one take him seriously cause everybody thinks this person is not qualified to be heard

then there’s this other person…underestimated the person mentoned earlier. thinks himself very good…i dont wanna argue that, he’s a great dude but sometimes he can forgot the minor things

if these people can work together, they will be a dynamic duo cause if that happen, they will do the major and the minor things.

majority also works in putting someone to a side. sometimes someone pick a side which the majority picks cause they think that its good and even put aside his/her own will/idealism cause they are afraid that people will leave them for being who they are…sometimes this even includes putting friendship aside cause they’re friends are on the other side

DANGEROUS

my advice: put your brain, mind and heart to work at the same time when dealing with majority cause its not always the best thing even though a lot of time it is proven to be the right thing

they call it…high school

2010-05-09T05:28:00.001-07:00

so, i went to buy some cake with my mom earlier today and on the way there, we had some semi serious conversation about HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDSHIP…lets begin this post officially with a quote that was created by my mom just hours ago

sahabatan di SMA tuh beda sama di tempat lain…kalo di SMA itu semuanya udah berasa kayak sodara

translation: being best friends in high school is different that being best friends in other place. in high school, you will feel like they are your relatives.

what a quote it was…i was like very moved by her quote…

its what i feel, there is a lot of difference between us(me and my friends) but in my opinion that is what keeping us close because we complete each other. even though during that conversation we found some flaw in my friendship with others because sometimes my friends or even me cant be really honest about ourselves but that’s not a big problem now…what important is we have to grow more mutual understanding cause there is no one sided understanding in a friendship.

my mom said: have a great time with your friends now cause every little thing you guys do now (as long as its not killing us) will be a sweet memory…

ps: her own words almost ate her cause she is not letting me to go to bali with my friends

to end this post: i wanna say

I LOVE YOU MOM
I LOVE YOU FRIENDS

I LOVE YOU BROTHERS

I LOVE YOU SISTERS

I LOVE YOU ALL

all you need is love - beatles

INDONESIA!!!

2010-04-30T22:08:00.001-07:00

my country INDONESIA is a beautiful country

we have everything here but many of us cant see it

foreigners love our country which filled with many culture

the sad part is many Indonesians cant see the beauty of their country

even if the example is right before their eyes, they will find a reason to say that Indonesia is still a bad country

how can we make Indonesia better if we keep complaining and do nothing to make a change

you can make a change by doing small things

what can we do to change the world? one Act of Random Kindness at a time (taken from Evan Almighty)

kalo ada orang bilang gw lebay dengan nasionalisme gw, gw akan bilang mereka lebay dengan pesimisme mereka – Pandji Pragiwaksono’s tweet ( i dont remember the exact words but i think this is close enough)

so INDONESIANS!!! I AM BEGGING YOU TO READ THIS E-BOOK BY PANDJI PRAGIWAKSONO OF #INDONESIANUNITE

http://www.pandji.com/download/NASIONAL.IS.ME_versi_1.pdf

im not promoting, i want to open your eyes

Quotes

2010-04-23T06:12:00.001-07:00

you know i love friendship quotes

here are some of my favourites

True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until it is lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend.
- Albert Camus

"Friendship is one mind in two bodies."
- Mencius (this one sounds like kamen rider double)

"If you should die before me, ask if you can bring a friend."
- Stone Temple Pilots

"If I had one gift that I could give you, my friend, it would be the ability to see yourself as others see you, because only then would you know how extremely special you are."
~B.A. Billingsly~

“When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.”

"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."
-Tim McGraw

the real thing

2010-04-17T10:21:00.001-07:00

its a mushy post so dont blame me if you throw up after you read this

im in a debate competition now and its stressful since we have to debate a lot of serious things for at least twice a day againts groups of great debaters

today, i was a mess when i got home cause my team receive its very first lost to sman 5 bandung…i dont like them because what they said…OFFENDED ME AND MY TEAM

i thought i need some refreshment so i went to play some billiar with my friends, then we watched a movie then we went to our house…it was fun, it was very refreshing

so what i wanna say that

FRIENDS ARE BETTER THAN DESSERT

they really made my mind fresh and ready for my next day of debate

THANKS DUDES

im sure you guys are the real thing

my quotes in my debates:

- wounds can be healed, blood can be dried but mental wounds stay forever

- let your mind, your body and your soul choose their comfort zone so they get what they need and can do what they should do perfectly

the beauty of being understanded

2010-04-13T10:27:00.001-07:00

I just felt the feeling of being understanded, and it was very warm.. thanks friends – Hammam (www.plurk.com/picassonic)

i think what hammam felt a few weeks ago is what im feeling right now…so last saturday i spent the whole day with my friends and talk about playful things to very serious things at my house…that time the topic was my cold war(the topic in my previous post) and that time i know that hey understand me and they can divide whats true and what is just a rumor about me…they know who i really am, what is my personality and how i treat friendship..and now im feeling really warm

cold war

2010-04-13T09:59:00.001-07:00

have you ever heard of a cold war? a war with no physical contact…only battle of the brain, who will outsmart their opponent……i am feeling like im in a cold war with my friends in the middle of the 2 blocks cause my friends are my opponent’s friends too and you know what opponents in cold war do…

if you answer that opponents in cold war talks about their opponents..

YOU ARE RIGHT!!!

i just have to be sure that my friends can divide between which one is true and which one is false because im no superhero who can control minds right?

i dont want to talk bad about him…i just want to have a normal life with my family and friends…having an enemy makes me realize many things which i will reveal in my next post so…see you next post

i just wanna say thanks to all of my friends who is always there to support me and who always understands me…i dont know what will i be if you guys dont do what youre doing now

ps: not all people in this pictures is the kind of friend like i said in the post…some or if i can be really obvious, ONE OF THEM is the one who i really dont understand

my new wishlist

2010-04-13T08:48:00.001-07:00

WFC DOUBLE 1-5 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

role

2010-04-12T08:12:00.001-07:00

"Don't ever let yourself believe that the role you play in the lives of other's is not an important one, especially in the lives..

of the ones you love and who love you. No matter how big or small that role is, or may seem, it's..

..it's a very important one, and it is one that only you can play." Don't underestimate yourself. Someone out there may need you.

(taken from david archuleta’s sweet @davidarchie)

I AGREE SO MUCH

i hate someone who says “im not important to anyone in the world, what should i do in this world?, i have nothing to do, no one loves me, no one needs me and so on and so on”

EVERYBODY HAVE THEIR OWN ROLE IN THIS WORLD!!!

i believe that with all my heart…even a prostitute have an important role: they give satisfaction to guy’s animalistic sense…even though some sees it as something negative but its a big role…

so dont say you dont have a role in this world cause YOU DO HAVE A ROLE

someone out there or maybe someone near you thinks your important to them…you just have to look closer

song of the day: somebody out there by david archuleta

*this post is really inspired by david archuleta cause his song and his tweets really connects with waht i wanna say a long time ago….what a coincidence"*

growing up

2010-04-04T04:39:00.001-07:00

*this post is not intended to offend anyone…this post is made only for observation reasons*

growing up…a natural process which sometimes people don’t respect…these respect thing makes a certain kind of people and some of them are my friends

the 1st type is people who just don’t want to grow up, i cant say who but they are the real peter pan although sometimes these people are the one who really knows how to live their life cause they just go with the flow but these people also in a fragile position cause sometimes they do something without thinking first…

the 2nd type is people who grows up faster because of certain conditions…broken home maybe, economical condition or just simply intelligent so they know what’s coming for them in the mature world

the 3rd type is people who THINK they are mature when in fact they are still in an unstable emotional condition…these people is usually in their teen period and this is very dangerous cause sometimes these people will do something that was not made for their age. smoking…drinking maybe still in the normal part but breaking free(with too much freedom) is dangerous cause they are still halfblind about what’s happening here…they think they can handle the world but we know they cant…

friendship

2010-03-18T09:05:00.001-07:00

friendship is so powerful

so today, my friends and i stucked in a problem with the teachers

and somehow they are releasing me but not my friends and thats makes me uncomfortable so i go and defend them and give all my responsibilities as a friend to defend them until the truth is out…i did that but it didnt work too well but at least i tried…

i dont know how my friends are feeling about what i did…but i want them to know that whatever i did today was to defend you guys cause i do feel guilty of putting you guys into trouble and im very sorry

im feeling like a jerk when the teachers released me but not you guys and thats why i have the guts to shout to one of the fiercest teachers and why i stayed so late at school to wait for you guys cause i feel guilty and i want to pay for what i did

IM VERY SORRY GUYS. I WAS GUILTY AND I MADE YOU GUILTY…I TRIED TO DEFEND YOU AND IT DIDNt WORk tOO WELL

AGAIN, IM SORRY

trust

2010-02-10T06:44:00.001-08:00

i once said that i cant trust anyone anymore but maybe i was too selfish that time…these people around me, i cant trust them, i can trust them real well. and if they ends up like some people that i used to trust(i doubt it very much), that means they just looking for the end of their life…its that simple…

dont get me wrong here, they’re my friends. my real friends, i trust them with all my heart and i will always be…

falling short of greatness

2010-02-07T07:09:00.001-08:00

hey, i competed in a grappling championship again…this time, with GI

i loss in the semi final of my weight class and decided to go in the absolute class too

so this is my opponents

1. ivan “er-te” sontosa: loss by submission in the fifth minute

2. ranu from tigershark: loss by submission in the second minute

3. linson”predator” simanjuntak: loss by submission in the second minute

i got the fourth place on my weight class, nothing on the absolute class…cant wait to compete again

FIGHTING!!!

keeping it cool

2010-01-31T07:30:00.001-08:00

im keeping everything(still the old thing) cool now…dont want to think about it, dont want to talk much about it, dont want to make it a burden for me…and everuthing turns 180 after i keep it cool…my grudge is paid without doing anything

one thing about revenge…dont do it, and it will happen by itself and its a lot more positive thing than if you want to do it yourself

bro

2010-01-27T08:22:00.001-08:00

a lot of people use the word “bro”(short for brother) to call someone…some use it to call just anybody on their sight…its different for me, once i used this word to call someone, that means, that someone is special, they have their place in my mind, the one that i (maybe) will die for, their the one that i will help with all the life i have in me. some people have misuse my trust or misunderstand me but now i can get over those people…they can go to hell and i could careless… now, this new people around me, they may have earn my trust, i just hope they wont misuse it and i just hope our friendship, our brotherhood may last forever…

looking back

2010-01-20T07:34:00.001-08:00

its my 17th birthday today and wow wow wow, it was great…too bad its happening on wednesday so i cant have the real party on the D-day.

today, i spent almost the whole day with my friends…and it made me very happy…the gave me a surprise cake, i didnt expect it at all…i almost cried or almost passed out when i received the cake…

they spent the whole day with me…first we went to syazka’s house cause syazka and i share the same date of birth…then we went to my house to have the traditional “tumpeng”. we spent the whole day together…

after they went home, i looked back at my life especially a year back…there were very happy times and very sad times and it takes out anger and sadness back to my emotion but when i look to the present times…i know that when i lose something, a lot of other good things will be running to me…thanks a lot guys

wishlist

2010-01-17T04:10:00.001-08:00

i love these thing…i like them all..its close to my birthday….wish someone will buy these things for me

shs impere

cor zect trooper

double driver

corm kabuto

birthday celebration

2010-01-04T08:09:00.001-08:00

done my invitation for my birthday party…the question is, who will be the lucky 50 people to get this invitation

holiday

2010-01-02T09:03:00.001-08:00

i went to puncak with my friends to spend our new years eve…it was great…even though the road is like VERY SHITTY!!! but we had fun. we had so much fun, i already miss them on the way home…

i spent the night there having coffee or beer with hafidz hammam adiz and dipo but mostly hafidz hammam at the terrace…it was very cool since we talked about a lot of things from funny things to very serious things

i want more holiday, school is coming up in 2 days and im still very tired…

i'm going to south, you're going to north, we'll meet our own pole. But you and I, are whom making the world turns around-Rianti Dwiastuti

chances, opportunities

2009-12-25T10:52:00.001-08:00

my mom made me realize something from my past.

i used to have a lot of opportunities to become a different person.

i had the opportunities to be AN ACTOR, A SINGER and many more.

yeah, i was a chosen to be a star on a commercial twice(bank and a margarine) but that’s the end of my television career.

yeah, once a friend of my father offered me a role in a movie and i didn’t accept it with such force cause i really don’t want to be a movie star.

then a music producer offered me to be a singer. she want to produce my album just because that time i loved to sing the song “you’ll be in my heart” and when i was in her office for the audition, i shut my mouth.

wanna know why i write this thing? i wanna gives you an example of second chances

i didnt accepted the offer to be in a movie but maybe if did, i wouldnt enjoy it and i may not have time to learn any martial arts and now, i am a grappler and maybe soon my name will be known not by something that was offered to me but by something that i started all by myself

i didnt accepted the offer to be a solo singer but now i have a band and i can work with my friends, it gives me a chance to make music and bond with my friends at the same time.

heres the moral, you may seem to be stupid not accepting good offer but NEVER REGRET IT cause someday you can build that offer al by yourself and maybe its more postive

scrooged

2009-12-24T11:42:00.001-08:00

i am a Moslem and my family is a mixed. there’s many Moslems and also many Christians and that’s why i celebrate both Eid and Christmas(only the festivities not the religious way) but somehow Christmas is more fun and now i know why(i realized this after i watched “Scrooged”). the festivities of Christmas never gives out something bad, it always open people’s eyes in a good way and it always work while the movies that were made to open peoples eye during EID always scares the hell out of people by showing the negativities of some bad deeds.

psychologically, something that is scary never give anyone a good(positive) impression while something that is given in a good “packaging” always gets the people heart and anyone who consumes it always gets what the creator wants to give to the consumer

its not that i don’t respect the Moslem filmmakers but this post is something that everybody should think about when they want to give something to anyone

and to end this post i wish you all a Merry Christmas

three post merge into one

2009-12-16T04:01:00.001-08:00

attached

they say you were so attached to me…

they even mock you about that…

if you are that attached, then why did you do that? for a reason that i dont even know

yeah, i got over our beautiful friendship but this thing makes me really curious about your real reason, i wanna hear the reason comes out from your own damn mouth.

BURDEN

i know that what youre doing is a burden for your friendship with others too, cause you cant or you dont want to blend in with them when im around. so maybe, if YOU wanna fix this, i’ll doit whenever, wherever so the both of us can still live our life with our friends without any awkward feeling.

FIGHT

i am a fighter and i said that i dont do unofficial fights but i’ll make an exception for you. just like if you wanna fix our friendship, i’ll do the opposite anytime anywhere, cause I KNOW IM READY. im ready to take you down and make you scream for MY MERCY!!!

friendship and love story

2009-12-13T02:35:00.001-08:00

friendship and love story have a very tight relation and in this video from one of my favourite show KAMEN RIDER DRAGON KNIGHT will show how important friendship and love story for us

smiling in confusion

2009-12-12T09:32:00.001-08:00

im confused TOTALLY CONFUSED!!!

i know damn well that there is nobody you can trust in this world but i dont such close friends can dislike each other while they act like nothings happening in front of each other. but it proves that i dont have any mistake and im smiling but in CONFUSION

wake up would ya?

2009-11-28T10:05:00.001-08:00

when your assuming that a guy is jealous (when hes not). you dont only hurt that guy but you WILL hurt the couple too cause there is a big possibility that in that relationship, another jealousy will happen INSIDE that relationship and it will break them SO STOP ASUMMING THAT A GUY IS JEALOUS WHEN HE’S NOT!!! ITS TIRING DAMN IT!!!

can a guy have a good relationship with a girl without having a love connection? i think they can, even with an ex

part

2009-11-20T21:14:00.001-08:00

i know i lost at many tournament cause I’m just a newbie versus a lot of experienced guys but i know the other reason. there’s a part of me missing. there is one friend who is suppose to be there supporting me cause its already a promise between us. i hope someday that promise and that dream of mine can be a reality and maybe that day, i will excel as a grappler cause i will have extra spirit in me

a swan feather

2009-11-13T05:27:00.001-08:00

Selembar bulu anak angsa akan menjadi beban berat bagi hati yang menyesali masa lalunya. – Mario Teguh

thats why i dont regret anything that has happen cause thats just a burden to everything i will do…even though its hurtful, i will never regret things that has happen…

pass the guard

2009-11-12T08:11:00.001-08:00

i got over my problems…you know…that brother bla bla bla problem even though sometimes the memories still come back to my mind but now i can get over it. its not that i hate all those memories. its just a defense againts a weaker version of myself who was drown in the past.

in my world, the grappling world. i call this passing the guard. the guard of the past in my mind. I CAN PASS IT!!!!

bomber

2009-11-10T08:01:00.001-08:00

have i told you that i finally got my nickname? and it is official since my instructor gave it to me and its printed on shirt

runaway

2009-11-10T04:24:00.001-08:00

do you guys know that i recently joined a BJJ CLASS?

of course you do!!!! if you read my last post.

well, spider academy is really fun for me… there’s a lot of new friends and all of us shares the same passion…FIGHTING

they are like a new family….we are not that close though…its just an expression

i recently compete in the most prestigious competition even though i lost in 11 seconds but who cares??? i trained for 1 month and compete there? 11 seconds is good enough for this situation.

spider academy is more like a runaway place for me from all problems especially friendship problems cause there, i got to meet nice and new people who more or less understands me, at least the way i think… it’s not that i hate those who i used to love but they become some jerks now so, i got to move on and live my life!!!

even though i will never forget my friends

october…months of love?hate?WHAT?!

2009-10-24T11:25:00.001-07:00

a lot of people are falling in love this months

well, not me. i feel the opposite, i dont have any feeling for anyone at the moment and i dont know why i grow some hatred towards some people, not to the person but the attitude that is cause by them falling in love cause they are blind to everything…even from the truth

so please friends, i know that love is fun and important but dont let love tear friendships down cause it not worth it

first

2009-10-14T10:36:00.001-07:00

so, to day as my first brazilian jiu jitsu class and it was FUN FUN FUN

i got nothing else to say beside that cause this is the martial that i’ve been looking for, an offensive and defensive one

so i am really enjoying this right now

fight for your life (and other’s too)

2009-10-13T08:59:00.001-07:00

i made my debut 2 days ago on an amateur championship called

SPIDER SUBMISSION CHAMPIONSHIP which was organized by Spider Academy

and now my fighting status become

0-2-0

it’s bad but i last long enough on the mat for 2 matches for a guy who has never been on a grappling match before.

i infuse a school task to this championship by giving some money for the spiritual education task to make a social activity cause this championship’s money will be donated to the victims of the west Sumatera earth quake.

and now i am enrolling to the academy

spider academy logo

west Sumatera earthquake

school task

my debut match

unusual

2009-09-30T11:02:00.001-07:00

hey blog, long time no post

a lot has been going on lately but nothing that important and its maybe very late but

EID MUBARAK READERS!!!

i went to singapore for holiday and i watched il divo TWICE

they are simply PHENOMENAL!!!

this post is weird so goodnight readers!

i knew it

2009-09-18T22:40:00.001-07:00

i knew it all along bro but dont worry and if that is your reason then i think you dont know me that well.

i dont care if you like her, i dont. it is everybody’s right to like someone, even someone not single

i respect what youre trying to do, to not hurt my relationship and yourself but you are just wrong

you were wrong when you support me to go back with her and now you leave her and you leave me because of this thing too. i dont know youre just an angel or just a demon

i dont care bro, i give her up just for you to come back. i give up everything just for the return of our friendship like it used to be.

so what im asking you now is, please return here and lets put everything behind us

swingin’

2009-09-18T13:05:00.001-07:00

my post before the last sahur will be like a memoir of what used to happen almost every weekend some months ago.

yeah, almost every weekend my brother sleep at my house and usually our awkward conversation happens after midnight and even if hes not having a sleep over at my house, we always keep in touch chatting AWKWARD AND WEIRD DIALOG OF COURSE

Z: pim yuk

A: gila apa lo? ngapain?

Z: ayolah, banci aja baru dandan jam sgini

sometimes its just serious

A: gw suka ma si itu tuh

Z: hah?

A: tp gw g enak, kan dia punya cowok. gw let go deh

Z: yah, masih banyak ikan d laut

A: bantuin mancing ya

Z: i got your back homies

sometimes our criminal minds are working so we tricked someone to answer our serious question

Z: lo mau g balikan ma adri?

AZ: yaaah

Z: mumpung dia g dikamar nih

*im right there sitting and listening to the phone*

Z: tuh kan ipodnya aja muter “if ever youre in my arms again”

AZ:(still not answering)

A: HALO, SAYA KEMBALI

Z: tuh kan keburu balik

A: bukannya gw disini dari tadi?

and sometimes its just pure full of friendship

A: keren miniatur ring lo, pinjem buat motret dong

Z: Sewa

A: yaudah brapa? BILANG BILANG

Z: g lah buat lo bradeeeer

yeah, ridiculous dialogs and sometimes its just weird things

like playing with our wrestling action figures together like we are in kindergarten

thats all for tonight, i am still remembering the times and im kinda happy remembering it but remembering it deeper makes me a little bit sad so my emotion are swingin’ like a jazz tune right now

just a little quote…

2009-09-16T09:59:00.001-07:00

thanks 2

2009-09-14T08:07:00.001-07:00

i know some post ago i have post a thank you to you but i will make one cause i know that this is probably the end of our friendship

thank you brother for all the nice advice with such sweet words that you told me in my times of need. you are a man, a real man in my opinion cause you can encourage me to be strong like you when i am down by my problems or by a bad day. i know that what youre doing is for my good sake but you dont realize that its killing, EVERY SECOND OF IT. i want to thank you for you patience every time you accompany me somewhere, for your patience when i ignored you at my own house, for your patience BEING MY BESTEST FRIEND. i love you like my own brother and i dont know if you feel the same way but i just want you to ask yourself something

IS FRIENDSHIP IMPORTANT?

i know deep inside you feel that it is important so i am asking you one more thing

BE HONEST, BE TRUE TO YOUR HEART

well, i dont want to bother or disturbed so anymore

thank you brother, for being my runaway place all this time

THANK YOU

thanks 1

2009-09-14T07:40:00.001-07:00

you saved my life..countless times, even though i’ve lost myself. you never gave up on me, even when i was shouting at you and saying horrible, terrible things. you are always there for me. we talk about anything, and i tell you everything. because i know no matter what, you are always there for me, and not for what this has done to me. you see past that, even though when i look in the mirror it’s all i can see. you tell me what needs to be said, because you have the balls to say it. you know i hate it, but love you because you are helping me. you have more than anyone else. you know when you push people away, only to see who will fight back and who will walk away? you never walked away. you’re a better fighter than me, because otherwise i wouldn’t be getting better. i wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, my beautiful best friend. i love you, and i’m so glad you love me.

Thanks Z, for always there for me :) I know you don’t know how i feel about you or maybe you don’t care about it because we always arguing about friendship right? but thanks for being my bestfriend and my brother ( even though you don’t want to be my bestfriend or even my brother, but that what i feel about you) so thanks

selenaz kagomez

i know that azka wrote this on behalf on herself but thi s is what i feel too. i change some words up there though.

emotional burst

2009-09-10T08:26:00.001-07:00

i read some dialog and i dont know why, my emotion burst out. BURST OUT

like i wanna cry but on the other side there is rage and anger that wanna come out from my deepest heart

i went to fast breaking with the social class at PI today and after magrib, we eat at domino’s pizza and went to poins square for KARAOKE!!!!!!!!!!!

i sang: best i ever had by vertical horizon then the next song was the man who cant be moved by the script

those 2 songs: DAMN, emotional burst

have you ever?

2009-09-08T08:27:00.001-07:00

have you ever think that i am vulnerable?

not as vulnerable as when somebody hears the word but i am kinda vulnerable

why, I, the one that knows you better have to feel this

losing in a hard way

why? because i’m a guy? but why a guy cant have a bestfriend?

your idealism are kinda wrong and i MUST straighten that up cause i dont want to see you destroy yourself FURTHER

competition competitor compete competitive

2009-09-04T03:36:00.001-07:00

so, i was chosen to be in a business competition and my team was with ilham and dipo and looks like we are losing.

one of our school team(platinum) is winning the competition and i am suppose to be happy about them winning but as a matter of fact, I’m not that happy, why?

i found some dirty hand inside and my own personal problem makes me cant enjoy their win and i feel that out mentor kinda sided for them even though she said she wasn’t siding with them and side with us too but everybody can see that she is damn lying.

for me, losing is not a big deal but losing to some cheats are hurtful enough but im not talking about platinum cause after all, even i cheated a little bit

but overall, you guys have made it and congrats

this is my team, TEAM ALPHA

team alpha and platinum featuring some of lazuardi team

thanks

2009-08-20T21:48:00.001-07:00

i know for the past 2 months that it is ending

so here, i dont know if u are reading or no z but i just wanna say its been nice

thanks for accompanying me

thanks for all the nice songs you downloaded for me

thanks for all the action figures that you help me getting it

thanks for all your support in my times of need

last but not least, thanks for the good time

sorry friends

2009-08-19T07:02:00.001-07:00

to all my friends and best friends

sorry that lately i have been very emotional

as maybe all of you know, im in a bad condition with a good friend of mine

so im asking all of you an apology for all my emotional burst

quotes

2009-08-15T13:22:00.001-07:00

i got your back homies

g lah buat lo bradeeer

kan lo sahabat gw

IF YOU ARE READING THIS, DO YOU REMEMBER???

nevergive up hope

2009-08-15T11:14:00.001-07:00

giving up hope is hard, not giving up hope is hard

what if you are stuck between these two things?

its the hardest thing in this world

help me guys!help!

gossip?

2009-08-15T11:09:00.001-07:00

do u guys believe in gossip?

DONT

never believe in this effing thing

this thing can only destroy, not just one or two things but EVERYTHING!!!

TRUST ME!!! WHOEVER YOU ARE!!! I WILL CRUSH YOU INTO PIECES!!!

is this the …???

2009-08-15T10:55:00.001-07:00

things are getting more and more complicated, just when a light came up. another darkness comes putting the light down.

me and my friends are striving and now, just because some bad mouth

we are threatened to have no contact with YOU KNOW WHO

all i can do is hope

siye

2009-08-11T06:55:00.001-07:00

sorry about the last post

it was the result of boredom

and this is my third post of the night

i dont really know what i feel right now and i really wanna know

btw thanks syazka icha yandra and edwin for helping me these past few weeks

qwerty

2009-08-11T06:41:00.001-07:00

qwertyuioplkjhgfdsazxcvbnmlkjhgfdsaqwertyuioplkjhgfdsazxcvbnmmlkjhgfdsaaaaaaaqwertyuiopolkmnbvcxzasqwertyuiop[p;lkjhgfdsxzcvbnm,l;okjhgfdsaqwertyuiopolkjhgfdsazxcvbnm,polkjhgfdsaqwertyuiop[olkjhgfdsaxcvbnmnbvcxdswerftghjkuyhgfdswertyhjuikuytredcvbhytfdcx vbnjuytrfdcvbnjuytrgfvbnjuytgfvc bnjuytgfvbnjuytgbnmjkiuyhgbv nmjuyhgbvnjuygtbvnhjytgfvbnhjgbnmjkl;’

so thats what im feeling right now

ABSTRACT

drzme

2009-08-11T05:50:00.001-07:00

(in a dialog)

drz: he should think that girlfriend are more important, you can find new friends if you lose one but IF you get married to your girlfriend, she’ll be there forever

(my opinion)

me: for me, BEST FRIENDS are more important cause they (he/she) is a place for you to run away for some times from this wild world. even our girlfriend/wife can be a royal pain in the ass sometimes and if its happening, your best friends are your only place to run.

which one is right ???

addicted

2009-08-10T04:57:00.001-07:00

somehow im addicted to vertical horizon

~~*the package is officially gone*~~

gonna make a new song soon. bye